Have you ever wanted to make key changes for you in your life, but felt held back by worries about how other people would react?
In working with clients over the years, I’ve noticed that the fear of what other people may think or say can be a big factor in them killing their dreams and stopping them choosing for themselves.
If they want to lose weight, they can worry about how their spouse may react. As people admire the changes they’re making to your body, they worry their spouse may become jealous or feel “less than.”
Smokers or drinkers who wish to quit can be concerned about how their smoking or drinking buddies will react.
Clients who are increasing their finances and improving their money situation can fear being accused of “showing off” or “thinking they’re better than” if they have more money.
So how do you move past these dream killers and stop killing your dreams?
Don’t pre-judge what others will say or do when you choose for you.
It’s easy to make assumptions about how other people might react to what you’re choosing – assuming how upset they’ll be, or that they won’t want you to do it. Instead of immediately killing your dreams, what if you allowed a different possibility?
Let’s break down that sort of thinking. So you can stop allowing other people’s judgements from killing your dreams:
You could be an inspiration
The leaps and bounds that you take towards fulfilling your dreams could well be inspiring and uplifting to others.
Just think how many times you’ve looked at what someone else has achieved and thought…
“If they can do it, I can do it!”
What if, by holding yourself back, you are also stopping others from achieving more of what they desire in life too?
People can surprise you
Action creates awareness. You don’t really know how someone will respond to your choices until you take the actions required to set your dreams in motion.
People can surprise you. Sometimes it’s the people who you thought would be your biggest cheerleaders that go the other way… and people you thought would tear you down are delighted for you and turn into staunch supporters. Perhaps even helping you create your dreams in ways that you never thought possible.
Misery loves company
Have you heard the saying that misery loves company? Those people you are worried about may prefer you stuck and miserable so they can share the misery and commiserate with you. Is this what you want to base your own dreams on?
Sometimes, it’s by boldly moving in the direction of your dreams that identifies the “frenemies” who really don’t want the best for you.
Is it time to let these “joy drainers” go?
“Well-intended” fear projection killing your dreams
It’s not always that the people around you don’t want you to have the best in life.
They may be reacting from a place of fear.
Your willingness to go for your dreams could simply be triggering their own personal demons and worries around security and fear.
For example, If you want to follow a new career path, a loving parent may not “get it”. Their point of view may be:
What about losing the security of your pension?
What about that degree you worked so hard for?
Your dream will be different from their dream.
Don’t allow yourself to kill your dreams because of someone else’s insecurities, based on their own capabilities, experiences, beliefs and values.
These are totally different from yours.
Chances are, their projected fears have nothing to do with you, your skills, experience, values and your dreams.
Be prepared: honesty can be uncomfortable
You being honest with yourself about what you truly want in your life may be uncomfortable for others at first.
It may even be uncomfortable for you.
Don’t let that stop you.
Discomfort is temporary. Your dreams are worth that little bit of extra effort.
The rewards of choosing for you
Nothing you do for the first time is comfortable. It’s Awkward. Different. New.
No matter how difficult reaching for your dream may seem, the pay off is SO worth it.
Keep your dream in sight. Remind yourself where you’re going and why it’s so vitally important to you.
Your dream is YOUR dream
Your dream is your dream. Don’t let ANYBODY steal that from you.
Not everyone will understand your dream.
No matter – as long as you do.
Not everyone will value your dream.
No matter – as long as you do.
Not everyone will share your dream.
No matter.
What does matters is what achieving your dream means to you.
The way that other people react is not your responsibility.
Don’t use “other people” as an excuse to not move forward in your life and allow your dreams to wither and die.
You are the keeper of your dreams.
By holding yourself back because of what other people “might” think, you are not only denying yourself the joy, the fulfilment, the achievement of your dream… but you are also denying them the chance to:
- Be really happy for you
- Support you
- Be inspired by you
- Feel empowered to choose to take action on their dream
When you change, no matter what the change is, other people have to adapt. Don’t let the thought of what their judgements might be stop you.
It could turn out far greater than you imagine.
Now, go make that dream come true.
P.S. If you would like some help and support to feel strong and unstoppable as you move in the direction of your dreams, book yourself in for a “From Funk to Fabulous in 60min” session with me (Niki) here: https://calendly.com/choosingfortoday/60min With that, no-one will ever be able to kill your dreams again!