What is it that makes you stuck, keeps you stuck, and makes you feel like there’s nothing you can do to free yourself from that stuckness?
What does it mean to “feel stuck”?
We’ve all had the feeling of being stuck, but what does it really mean?
Being stuck is about being
- Fixed in a particular position, unable to move or be moved
- Unable to progress with a task, or find the answer or solution to something
This “stuckness” could show up in many areas of life including:
- Feeling stuck with your body, health, physical flexibility, unhappy with your weight and nothing you do seems to change it.
- Feeling as if you’ve hit a brick wall in your work, career or finances.
- Feeling you can’t move forward in a relationship with a friend, partner or child where you feel you just can’t move past an event, argument or betrayal.
3 Ways You’re Keeping Yourself Feeling Stuck and How to Move On
Making yourself wrong.
So often, when there’s a situation, a problem where you feel stuck, the inability to move forward is embedded in all the things that you’ve decided that you did wrong. All the things that you did wrong, said wrong, didn’t do and should have done that were wrong, wrong, wrong.
You’re going round and round in circles beating yourself up for something that you can’t change. You blame yourself for the situation.
What’s the solution?
Simple to say, not always easy to do:
Stop making yourself wrong!
The pattern of wrongness is so deeply ingrained in us from a young child, that it’s one you need to chip away at. Here are some great first steps that, when you follow them, will give you more freedom and flow out of stuckness:
- Let go of the culture of Blame. Letting go of looking for blame and “who’s fault is it?” is wonderfully freeing.
- What if you weren’t wrong? Recognise that you were doing the best you could with the tools and resources available to you at the time
- Catch yourself in the act! Notice when you’re making yourself wrong in the moment and make a conscious choice to let that wrongness go!
Making a person or a situation wrong
Now, hear me out with this. This one can be a little uncomfortable.
I’ve just encouraged you to stop making yourself wrong… but if it’s not your fault, who’s fault is it? If it’s not your fault, doesn’t it make sense that it’s THEIR fault? Or maybe the fault of circumstances or a situation?
When you look for blame or fault, it’s like selecting your favourite shackles to keep you stuck. These shackles of blame put the problem outside of your control, creating you as a helpless victim. When others or a situation is to blame, this renders you helpless, often hopeless and at the mercy of wicked people or horrible circumstances.
If it’s “all their fault” then there’s “nothing you can do about it” – this leaves you well and truly stuck.
What’s the antidote?
We live in a culture of blame. Looking for fault instead of taking responsibility.
NOT taking the blame. Responsibility. Responsibility for our own
thoughts. Our own actions. Our own choices in the world.
Blame and wrongness create helplessness and stuckness.
Responsibility is about empowerment. It’s about you taking back the power, looking beyond the immediate problem and exploring:
What CAN you do to change this?
What else is possible in this situation?
When you let go of blame throwing and blame catching, you’re liberating yourself from stuckness and creating a fresh perspective that lifts you above and beyond what previously seemed like an insurmountable problem.
Are you being honest with yourself?
OK. Time for some real talk. Are you feeling stuck trying to do something or be someone that you really… if you’re totally honest with yourself… don’t want to be or do?
Growing up, we’re taught to do what our parents say, pay attention to our teachers and look for guidance outside of ourselves.
No-one teaches you how to choose for you. Rarely are you encouraged to do something for the fun of it, for the joy of it, or because it makes your heart sing!
Unconsciously, the choices you make as an adult could be more influenced by what you think others want for you, than you’ve realised.
It’s easy to get swept into a career, unhealthy habits, even a relationship… that seemed like a good idea at the time. But now it’s just not serving you.
Is it time to start consciously choosing for you?
What benefit is there in trying to force yourself to stick with a relationship that’s not working for you? Or toiling at a job that you hate? It can be hard to admit to yourself how unhappy you are, especially if on the surface everyone’s telling you that you’ve got it made.
What if this “stuckness” is an opportunity to really look at what YOU desire out of life? Get honest and ask yourself some deep questions.
This may be uncomfortable to do.
It could be that you’ve invested a lot of time, energy, and money into the situation or relationship that’s now keeping you stuck.
It could be that you’re in this stuckness because you didn’t want to rock the boat. You don’t want to upset others by making the choices that your heart is crying out for you to make.
It could be that you’re afraid that if you really choose for you, other people will be hurt. Very commendable. But consider this:
How much is it hurting YOU by NOT choosing for you?
What is it costing you to stay in a situation that doesn’t make your heart sing? Or in a relationship that doesn’t light you up whenever you think of them?
You being honest with yourself about what you truly want in your life may be uncomfortable at first. Remember discomfort is momentary.
Your choices in every moment create your life. This is your life.
Who are you choosing for?
So we’ve looked at what makes you feel stuck, keeps you stuck, and what you can do to change it.
Here’s a little recap:
- Notice when you’re making yourself wrong in the moment and make a conscious choice to let that wrongness go.
- Let go of the culture of Blame.
- Empower yourself with choice and responsibility .
- Ask yourself: If I’m not wrong, what are the alternatives?
- Focus on what you CAN change, not what you can’t.
- Be honest with yourself about what you really want and give yourself permission to choose for you.
Journalling or meditating around these ideas may help you gain a deeper understanding and clarity of what is making you feel stuck and how you can apply these strategies in your life.